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In September in Cincinnati, Ohio, Matthew Long (who weighs 116 pounds and has only one leg) was acquitted of assaulting his girlfriend, Vicki Smith (250 pounds), who claimed he’d choked her with their dog’s leash. (Police could not find a leash at the scene, supposedly because the dog had eaten it.) Long’s version of events was that he’d threatened to kill himself in front of Smith (though both are already married to other people, he believed she was seeing a third man), and when she tried to leave he grabbed her to try to keep her from walking out, clinging to her as she dragged him through the house. (“Love does that,” he added.) After Smith admitted in court that she could throw Long around “like a rag doll,” the judge found him not guilty.
More Things to Worry About
In August scientists from the Australian Antarctic Division, who were tracking whales and studying their excrement (DNA analysis of feces can determine an animal’s diet noninvasively), achieved what they believe is a historical first: they captured photographic evidence of a whale fart as it bubbled to the surface near their ship. Said researcher Nick Gales, “The general rule that flatulence is worse than halitosis is certainly also true for whales.”
In August in Melbourne, Australia, at least eight child-care centers prohibited children from dressing up as superheroes, lest it encourage playground bullying and violence. In May a primary school near Birmingham, England, banned parents from its annual sports day because spectators embarrass children who do not win the games or races. Also in August, an Irish government minister discussing the ramifications of a proposed workplace smoking ban encouraged churches to use incense sparingly, because it might harm altar boys and girls regularly exposed to it.
