Why are you so reluctant to let anyone be bi? You have all these people writing to you saying they’re straight but like members of their own sex, but you never say, “Hey, maybe you’re bi.” You’re awfully quick to either affirm their self-image (Wanna Be a Cocksucker in last week’s column) or contradict them (Mostly Straight Boy in the same column). Why not suggest a middle ground? Why perpetuate the myth that bisexuals do not really exist?
If a guy’s sexual and emotional desires are overwhelmingly hetero, on the other hand, but he likes to suck cock once in a great while, then identifying as bisexual is rather misleading. A guy who’s exclusively into women emotionally and 95 percent into women sexually probably shouldn’t tell anyone he’s bi. Better he should round himself up to 100 percent hetero in casual conversations and tell people he’s straight–not because it’s convenient or safer in the closet, or because Dan Savage doesn’t think bisexuals exist. (Believe me, they do, and I’m going to hear from them this week.) No, he should tell people he’s straight because straight most accurately describes who he is. See how that works?
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The straight guys whose letters you object to, ICDPH, weren’t looking for some guy to suck their cocks. Quite the contrary: they wanted to suck cock themselves. Most straight men who wanna have a homosexual experience wanna suck dick and get fucked, probably because those acts violate every straight man’s it’s-an-exit-not-an-entry, silly-faggot-dicks-are-for-chicks, and no-way-dude taboos–and violating taboos, as any Catholic priest can tell you, is hot, hot, hot.
Heterosexual men become aroused when researchers show them films of other men’s hard cocks, HUMMERS, which explains why there’s so much cock in porn produced for straight men. It stands to reason that a small number of cock-obsessed straight men might let their obsessions get the better of them and take a walk on the wild side.
- Can’t find a partner? The Internet is a bi-curious guy’s best friend. On-line you’re almost guaranteed to meet someone you wouldn’t normally come into contact with, so discretion becomes a lot easier. Once you do, make sure to follow rule number two.
