Dear Readers: The resident word freak on PRI’s The Next Big Thing–the lovely and talented Erin McKean–regularly challenges writers to use words that might otherwise disappear into obsolescence. In awe of my success at injecting santorum into the lexicon, McKean invited little ol’ me on the program and asked me to revive four extinct words in this week’s column. See if you can spot ’em.
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When someone has painfully specific tastes–he can only be with people who are of a certain height, weight, income level, political persuasion, species, etc–one of two things is going on. Either he honestly has painfully specific tastes and will suffer accordingly (thanks to the limited number of potential partners), or his criteria are a way of avoiding having a relationship at all. Only you know which category you fall into, WTLTL. If it’s the latter you need a therapist, not an advice columnist. If it’s the former you’ll just have to hang in there. You may meet a tiny lady genius one day who takes one look at you and is esprised–but it may take a while. If you don’t want to wait forever I’d advise you to date some nonpetite, nonbright women. Suddenly falling for some lanky shit-fer-brains may be the only way you’ll ever broaden your tastes.
I’m not always right, ABF–although I was right about egomaniacal asswipe Ralph Nader and his deluded followers. While Gore did himself no favors–running away from Clinton, picking a running mate who looked and campaigned like he had a used tampon in his mouth–it’s the Nader voters who are most responsible for inflicting the Bush kakistocracy on their fellow Americans. Any man fool enough to vote for Nader this time around deserves to have his virilia sliced off and stuffed down his fool throat, and any woman who votes for Nader deserves to have the reputation of a disease-ridden lovertine.
