I am a female university student with an etiquette question. There’s a girl I’ve seen around campus who I recognize from a few years ago, when “Jane” was a guy. I’m positive it’s the same person–she still has the same face, and I’ve heard that this person had a sex change. I’m wondering how I should talk to her now. Should I just go up and say hi and mention where I know her from? Or will this create an uncomfortable situation? Or should I just wait and see if Jane recognizes me? What’s the proper etiquette for a first conversation with an old acquaintance who’s had a sex change? –Miss Manners
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
According to Kaley, you need to bear in mind that by this point Jane has probably had her fill of people coming up to her and asking questions about her sex change. “She could find this annoying or, more likely, just boring,” says Kaley. “Teaching Transgender 101 gets a little tedious after the first hundred sessions.” That said, Kaley doesn’t think you should coddle Jane or approach her any differently than you would anyone else you had a brief acquaintance with a few years ago. “Despite the possibility of an uncomfortable time, I would strongly encourage MM not to be shy. Go up to Jane and warmly say, ‘Hi, you may not remember me, but I met you a few years ago. What are you doing these days?’ You can leave out the ‘Didn’t you used to be a guy?’ Jane can decide whether or how to talk to you about details of her past at her own pace.”
Thanks for sharing, TI.
