Bernd Brandes was recorded on video in 2001 eating his own penis. Brandes isn’t an autofellator, like others who’ve written in, but a man who wanted to be eaten by a cannibal. He found one on the Internet, and allowed this man to cut off his penis and fry it in a pan. Brandes’s penis was overcooked and rather tough, it turns out, but the man who fried Brandes’s penis, Armin Meiwes, killed Brandes anyway and ate other parts of him. Meiwes told a German court last week that eating Brandes was like taking communion.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
The big “German Cannibals Gone Wild!” story is getting short shrift in the American media for two reasons, SEM: first, the penis frying, video making, and Internet-sex-partner butchering went down in Germany, and both the man whose penis got fried and the man who fried it were Germans. While Americans made a feeble effort to take an interest in–or appear to take an interest in–what was happening in the rest of the world after the unpleasantness of September 11, things have pretty much returned to normal around here, and if it didn’t happen to Ben and J. Lo, Ashton and Demi, or Michael and that kid with cancer, then it might as well not have happened at all.
Second, the American media is busy covering two homegrown sex scandals–the aforementioned Michael Jackson scandal and the big Abercrombie & Fitch porn-mag-as-clothing-catalog controversy. (Let’s pause here for a moment and mourn the passing of A & F Quarterly, that company’s crass, manipulative, transparent, and wildly successful effort to sell T-shirts and boxer shorts by draping them on or near impossibly good-looking young men and women posed in tableaux suggesting group sex, homosexual acts, sexual assault, female-on-male rape, or all of the above. A & F Q provided awesome masturbation material for a generation of young men and women; it inspired countless young heterosexual males to do their sit-ups and wear their boxer shorts up around their necks, and taught them not to fear boy-boy-girl three-ways. Bowing to pressure from conservative Christians, feminists, and other killjoys, A & F announced last week that it was discontinuing the catalog. R.I.P., A & F Q–you will be missed.)
In your reply to Puzzled About Down Under about her boyfriend’s Gonzo dick, you forgot an advantage that I’m sure she’ll appreciate. I’ve got a Gonzo dick, and my last girlfriend loved it when I took her from behind. The downward curve allowed me to effortlessly stimulate her G-spot in any backdoor position. I am sure if PADU got on all fours and arched her back, she would be screaming for more Muppet love in no time.
Thanks for sharing, OMIB.
