I was surprised you didn’t mention the hilarious article in USA Today about the latest crusade launched by the religious jackasses down there in the United States. Apparently some conservative Christian groups in your country are pressing big hotel chains to drop pay-per-view porn from their in-room amenities. The way things are going, you Americans will be coming up to Canada in droves to watch porn and smoke pot!
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While we’re on the subject of America’s religious jackasses, I would like to share a few thoughts: First, someone needs to explain to them that there are times when committing a small sin helps someone avoid committing a larger sin. Pay-per-view porn is a perfect example. Horny married men out of town on business who opt to beat off in their hotel rooms are less likely to trawl hotel bars looking for horny married women out of town on business who might be up for a little adultery.
Second, while we’re on the subject, I’d like to offer an uncharacteristic (for me) defense of America’s religious jackasses. While their tireless efforts to remove porn from hotel rooms, ban abortion, and pick on homos are annoying in the extreme, their actions seem positively benign when compared to, say, the actions of Saudi Arabia’s religious jackasses. At least our jackasses are only pressuring hotel chains to stop making porn available to horny businessmen. They’re not, a la Saudi Arabia’s religious jackasses, crashing airplanes into Marriott and Hilton hotel towers.
I think Sheldon is being a bit shortsighted. While a head of state elected by the people is a nice idea (maybe we’ll even have one down here in the United States after 2004), the system does have its drawbacks. For instance, elected heads of state are able to exploit the trappings and ceremonial duties of their office to benefit their political party. If Canadians don’t want a foreigner to be head of state, there are other options–why can’t Canada invite a distant branch of the British royal family to emigrate and found a Canadian royal family? It’s archaic, I realize, but consider this, Canada: Americans spend hundreds of millions of dollars every year just to go to London and stare at Buckingham Palace–a building that looks like a large post office–because the Queen lives there. If a queen lived right next door, we’d spend some of that money in Canada. So if you want your own head of state, import some royals, find an empty post office in Ottawa somewhere, start calling it “Maple Leaf Palace,” hire your Queen a marching band, and start raking in the tourist dough. If French Canadians complain about being ruled by English-speaking royals, make marrying a French Bourbon a condition of sitting on the throne of Canada.
