The thought of fathering a bunch of kids who I don’t know and will never meet actually turns me on. Is that weird or what? Are there any restrictions against gay guys donating to sperm banks? Are there sperm banks that specialize in hooking up gay spunk with lesbians? How do I go about this?
“It’s complicated,” said Lisa. “We’re a licensed sperm bank [and have to] follow the guidelines put out by the American Association of Tissue Banks. Those guidelines don’t allow us to accept donors from any high-risk groups.” Those high-risk groups include gay men, people with many sexual partners, and men with a history of IV drug use.
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PRS will, however, work with gay men in one instance: “If a woman has a gay friend or an in-law who is going to be her own private donor, we will medically screen that man.” But that process is just as long and involved as donating anonymously. “Designated donors will still have to go through a complete medical screening, a physical exam, a battery of lab tests [blood work and STD screenings], and an HIV risk assessment. The semen is frozen and quarantined for a minimum of six months, then we retest the donor, and then any of the sperm donated can be released.”
Even if you were straight, PRS probably wouldn’t be interested in your spunk. “Someone who’s doing this for some kind of turn-on factor will be turned off by the level of commitment that’s required,” said Lisa, perhaps underestimating the lengths to which perverts will go to get off. But even if a pervert is willing to invest the time, Lisa told me, PRS works very hard to screen out the freaks. Guys who arrive at her sperm bank expecting an experience out of the Tom Green flick Road Trip (in which a sperm bank nurse shoves a finger up a straight boy’s butt) “will leave very disappointed,” she insisted.
I checked out the Web site and personally found it to be both deeply, deeply disturbing and something of a comfort. The site lists ages of consent for straight, gay, and lesbian sex in countries all over the world, and I must say it ruined my day to learn that I will never be able to live in Bhutan, Guyana, Oman, Qatar, Sri Lanka, Uganda, Uzbekistan, or Zaire. I was, however, relieved to learn that I will never be able to live in Florida, Alabama, Idaho, Kansas, or Utah.
