Imagine this hypothetical scenario: Guy meets Girl. Guy cooks dinner for Girl on second date and make-out session erupts on living room couch. Guy takes Girl kayaking on third date and make-out session breaks out after romantic picnic. Guy and Girl meet for a drink as she prepares to leave for a weeklong vacation. Girl promises to call Guy upon return. Time of promised return comes and goes. Guy leaves Girl several phone messages. No response.
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That’s the obvious scenario, ITG, and obvious scenarios are usually the correct ones. Oh, there’s a slim chance this girl never came back from her vacation, having been eaten alive by a shark off the coast of Florida. Or perhaps she was in the tub the first time you called and in her rush to answer the phone slipped and fell, broke both her legs, and is now slowly starving to death on the floor of her bathroom while her phone rings and rings. These scenarios are possible, I guess, but “not interested” seems more likely than “eaten by sharks” or “starving to death on her bathroom floor,” dontcha think?
You say in your recent column that the only way to truly avoid STDs is to not have sex. Well, a friend of mine contracted genital herpes (at the time, she was a virgin) from a guy who went down on her while he had a herpes breakout in his mouth. –Catherine
Every time I use the toilet in this joint there is some straight guy making all kinds of noise taking a piss. What gives? I never notice this at my happy little homo gym. Are these guys all ravaged with gonorrhea? Do they have prostates the size of grapefruits? What causes straight men pain when they piss? –Gonna Get Me Some Earplugs
With all the mail you receive from people sharing these most intimate details of their sex lives, you must have heard some really entertaining masturbation horror stories. I’m not talking about a little embarrassment, Dan, but lasting trauma. This reader would like to see you dedicate a couple of columns to masturbation horror stories.
