I am a 22-year-old virgin going to college in Texas. I have never had a girlfriend (from a stupid foreign culture, my mom doesn’t allow dating, etc) and will wind up in an arranged marriage in two years. What point is there for me to get in a relationship when I’m destined for an arranged marriage?
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But hey, what do I know? I’m an able-bodied (as of this writing), non-burn-injured (ditto), not-scared-of-my-mommy faggot. For the disabled-girl perspective on your willingness to “help those girls no one else wants to touch,” I passed your letter on to Erin Lewy, an activist and writer who conducts research in disability, identity, and sexuality. Since January 2001 Erin has been the Web master of disabledsex.org, where she moderates discussion groups on the topic of disability and sexuality.
“I think I speak for a great many disabled women when I say that we are unimpressed with DCWD,” Erin told me. “I have a very visible disability, and yet I have been called beautiful, intelligent, and amazing, and I have had no shortage of partners and potential partners in my life.” According to Erin, disabled people are not interested in pity fucks. “Disabled people, women or otherwise, actively seek true affection and love just like other people,” she said. “Fortunately for us, there are men and women out there who are actually willing to treat us as the intelligent, funny, amazing, beautiful people that we are.”
“Never approach a deaf person and say, ‘I know this sign…’ and then make the sign for fuck,” advised Zookie, the editor of Flash, an electronic zine for deaf queers (subscribe at deafqueer.org/ctnmagazine/flash). “Would you walk up to a hearing person and say that?” With signing “fuck” at the deaf hottie off the table, what’s the best way to approach him? “He should write ‘Hi! My name is BLANK. What’s your name?’ on a piece of paper,” Zookie told me. “As for communication, a lot depends on the deaf individual. Some of us can talk well, some of us can’t, and some fall in between. It may take a lot of patience to be with a deaf person, but remember that for a deaf person it takes a lot of patience to be with a hearing person.” And what about sex? “What about it? We all do pretty much the same things as you all do. Except hear.”
I had another letter with a disability theme lined up, but GUTSHOT needed a prompt response, so…the woman out there who can’t bring herself to dump the blind guy she’s been dating will just have to wait.
