I have a problem and I don’t know who else to turn to. My girlfriend and I have been toying with the idea of marriage, but a few weeks ago I left the country, and I got back yesterday. She told me that she cheated on me twice with two different guys when I was away and that she couldn’t really help it because she has cheated on almost every one of her significant others. Now here comes my problem: I don’t want to break it off with her. She is the most amazing woman in the world! But she doubts that she could ever stop cheating. I don’t know what I should do. She says she only did it because I left and that she missed me and wanted to feel special even if only for a moment, and I believe her. Sorry this letter is disorganized and rambling. It’s been a hard day. Please help me, Dan. –Cheated-On Dude
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
Here’s the problem: you love this woman, she cheated on you, and she is going to cheat again. To her credit, she put all her cards on the table: she’s messed around on every guy she’s been with and, what’s more, she “doubts” she’ll ever be able to stop. Let’s read between the lines, shall we? When she says she doubts she’ll ever stop cheating, what she means is “I like cheating, it turns me on, and I have no intention of ever being faithful to you or any other man.” Is she a terrible person? No. Should you dump her? Depends. She leveled with you–which is more than most serial adulterers do–and now you get to make an informed decision: Do you want to be with the most amazing woman in the world, COD, even if this amazing woman cheats on you with some regularity? Or do you want to dump her and go find someone less amazing but more faithful?
Reading your letter reminded me of a desperately sexy guy I met last year when I was doing some research for my next book. Zac–an amazingly good-looking 28-year-old–was going out with a girl named Megan, a 32-year-old lawyer. After they had been dating for six months, Megan laid her cards on the table: as much as she loved him, Megan could only be with Zac if she could have sex with other guys once in a while–not with tons of other guys (we’re not talking Catherine M. numbers), but at least two or three guys every year. There was more: despite the fact that she had no intention of being faithful to Zac, she could be with him only if he promised to be faithful to her.
“Our deal is weird,” Zac told me when I called to ask how things were going. “She has total sexual autonomy but I don’t have any at all. I guess I’m submissive to her, even if I don’t have to eat dinner out of a dog dish or anything freaky. Guys who read this will think I’m a freak, but it turns me on and it turns her on, so fuck what other people think.”
For those of you who visited tightywhitiesarehot.com, Brent was the guy in the white tank with the goofy smile. His winning picture is up now at www.tightywhitiesarehot.com. Brent’s picture was entered in the contest by his boyfriend without Brent’s consent. Brent and his boyfriend broke up during the contest, which is too bad for Brent’s ex-boyfriend. First, because Brent’s fucking hot, and second, because Brent’s boyfriend won’t be going to Vegas with Brent.
