I wanted to respond to the advice you gave Tried Not to Fall, the closeted gay guy who was in love with his straight roommate. You advised TNTF to tell his straight roommate how he felt.
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As a general rule, NOTGAY, I agree that gay men shouldn’t make passes at straight ones…buuuuuuut…not all gay guys are out, NOTGAY, and that complicates matters. It sounds good in theory to say that men should respect one another’s professed sexual identities, but in practice exceptions have to be made.
It’s like this, NOTGAY: Most young gay men are closeted and/or “straight-identified” and don’t come out until after they start messing around with guys. So sometimes they have to act on a hunch and make passes at straight-identified friends and roommates. Yes, yes: some gay men’s “hunches” are so much wishful thinking. (Wishful thinking explains why so many gay men have “hunches” about Tom Cruise and so few have hunches about, say, Al Roker.) But often a hunch proves correct and an “unwelcome, disrespectful” pass results in a “straight” friend dropping his pants, coming out of the closet, and becoming a boyfriend. When that happens, the ex-straight guy is thankful for the unwelcome, disrespectful pass.
–Straight Guy Who Likes Dick
I’m also printing this letter for your benefit, NOTGAY, just to show you that sometimes straight guys make unwelcome, disrespectful passes at gay men. Well, I guess it’s not really accurate to describe HB’s behavior as unwelcome. His actions, however, have clearly unnerved MOAN and his boyfriend.
