I am a female college sophomore whose boyfriend is currently studying abroad. I’ve been thinking about ending the relationship since I’m sick of the long-distance thing. Here’s the problem: I recently heard that at the beginning of last semester, which was before we started dating, he date-raped two girls. The story goes that on two separate occasions he was doing drugs with a girl and used the fact that he had provided drugs to pressure them into having sex. I believe the drug they were using was coke. I’d like to give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt, but the fact that it’s not just one but two girls is pretty damning. On the other hand, he’s always been totally respectful toward me.
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Second, let’s define the terms “rape” and “date rape” for all the college sophomores out there: Being pressured into having sex that you regretted the next morning does not mean you were raped. Being seduced does not mean you were raped, nor does consenting to sex when you were drunk or high. If someone is pressuring you or seducing you or hitting on you when you’re drunk or high and you try to get up and leave or tell him to stop and he physically prevents you from leaving and forces you to have sex with him against your will–that’s rape. If it happens on a date, that’s date rape.
If the ugly rumor you heard about your boyfriend is true, DIDHE, he’s a jerk and an asshole and a shit. But not a rapist. (If I were cynical I might suggest that you were inclined to believe the worst because it makes your decision to dump him a little bit easier.) Should you tell him what you heard? Yes, you should. At the very least he needs to know that pressuring girls into having sex can earn a guy a reputation as a rapist even if he never actually raped anyone.
Possible Answer #2: She said “I want you now” and four minutes later your dick was in her? Maybe she wanted you when she got to your place but once your dick was in her she decided to go find herself a guy who’s heard of foreplay.
OK, WHATSUP, I got in touch with the good folks at MTV on your behalf, and I sent your letter to the appropriate people, and the appropriate people promised to get back to me. And didn’t. So fuck the appropriate people at MTV. I suspect you’re correct, WHATSUP: MTV knew that “punk” was black slang. But I wouldn’t get too worked up about it if I were you. If I were a black gay man and I wanted to get worked up about something, I’d get worked up about the torrents of homophobic bullshit that pour down from pulpits in African-American churches all over the country every Sunday–that does a lot more harm to African-American gay men than anything on MTV.
