Like many 40-year-old guys, I’m attracted to the girl at my morning coffee place. She’s a biker, pierced, tattooed, dark-haired, beautiful, and intelligent. However, I am pretty sure she likes girls. She’s always nice, but maybe just because I am a customer? I spend way too much time thinking about exploding my rocket all over her. I would have no problem sharing her with another girl. Do I respect her right to do her job and be left alone, or do I tell her what I’m thinking? –WMD
Third suggestion: “Exploding my rocket” is not an acceptable sexual metaphor at a time like this–or at any other time. What’s more, a pierced, tattooed barista will probably lean toward the “No War” position and may be turned off by militaristic sexual imagery. If you do hit on her–sorry, “make a pass at her”–try asking if you can, oh, smear your hot hummus all over her warm pita or something. Antiwar biker dykes really dig middle-aged vegan dudes. Or so I’m told.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
–Bore Boy
