I got married young (I’m 22 now). Within six months of the wedding, my wife put on 50 pounds, stopped wearing makeup, and decided that she would no longer engage in any sex act besides vaginal, missionary intercourse. She will accept oral sex but refuses to return the favor. When we were dating she did all sorts of delightful things and put a lot more effort into her personal appearance. Can you say “bait and switch”? In other respects the relationship is fine, so I don’t want a divorce. I’ve talked to her about the problem of her becoming a frigid cow (phrased more kindly that that), and she doesn’t seem to care. My question is this: if I have sex with other people, am I just an asshole, or is it justified in light of my being swindled?
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
The person your wife was before you married–physically fit, sexually adventurous–was a lie, a disguise, a person she pretended to be in order to land a husband. The sad irony is that she could have been herself–obese, no makeup, a block of ice in the sack–and landed a man who was actually into women who are heavy, blotchy, and boring in bed. Instead she misled you, and now you find yourself married to someone you wouldn’t have married had she been honest with you about who she really was. Since she cheated you, WDTLG, it’s easy enough to justify cheating on her. Still, I would encourage you to get a nice, honest divorce as quickly as possible before you start banging other women. You’re only 22 years old, for crying out loud–you don’t really have any business being married at all.
I was in a relationship for nine months with a guy who accessed my bank account, stole my credit cards, and started several accounts in my name–all of which will probably take me over a year to pay off. I dumped him. I consider myself a relationship-oriented guy and used to enjoy monogamy, cuddling, and intimacy, but when I look at my relationship history I see several guys with mental problems, drug addictions, etc, who basically treated me like crap even though I am myself educated, stable, good-looking, and honest. So now I’m finding I can’t trust my own judgment at all when it comes to meeting guys, which makes it extremely difficult to date, since all my friends are basically coupled up. What the hell am I supposed to do now that I can’t even trust myself?
I dated this girl about a year and a half ago and ended up breaking it off because she smoked too much weed. I was about a year sober at the time and the look in her eye when she was stoned, plus the nasty bongwater taste in her mouth, killed it for me. She has since come back into my life, but she is still smoking up. I don’t think dating her again is a danger to my sobriety, but I still have my reservations about being with someone who gets stoned. Here’s the kicker: She is perfect in every other way. She is sweet, affectionate, intelligent, hardworking, a freak in the sack, and she’s got a hot body. What should I do? –NA
