I am a 29-year-old gay male, and I have a problem. There’s a guy at my office who is absolutely gorgeous, but I don’t know if he’s gay. I don’t have very much contact with him because we are in different departments. He does gives off “gay” signals, though: He wears a pair of hoop earrings and dresses like an Abercrombie & Fitch model, and his hair is bleached. (I know that those things alone don’t mean he is gay, but we live in a very conservative area, so I’m hoping that tips the odds.) Other people have told me they are pretty sure he’s straight, but I haven’t heard of or seen any hard evidence (girlfriend, wedding ring, etc).
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The best way to find out if someone is gay is to ask him, and I wrote CUMSHOTS back personally and told him just that. CUMSHOTS responded, claiming he was too chicken to ask the bleached blond personally, and wanted to know if there was some top secret way to find out. So I did what any self-respecting sex columnist would do: Using CUMSHOTS’s E-mail address (he wrote me from work) and the info at the bottom of his E-mail, I managed to track down the phone number of his place of employment (an office in Rochester, Minnesota) and I called and asked the receptionist if there was an attractive guy with bleached blond hair and hoop earrings who worked in the building. I was quickly connected. The bleached blond with the hoop earrings wasn’t amused when I told him who I was and why I was calling–and he also told me he wasn’t gay. But what about the bleached blond hair? Hoop earrings? Willingly dressing like an A&F model? “There are straight people with style, you know,” he sighed, clearly annoyed with me and, I suspect, not just with me. You might want to delete your old E-mails, CUMSHOTS, before HR comes poking around.
Finally, “no-body-fluids-exchanged, foreplay-style sex” is still sex–and it’s rather self-serving of you to suggest that it isn’t. I pity the poor straight man who suggests to a room full of lesbians or bisexual women that girl-on-girl sex isn’t really sex because it’s only so much foreplay and there are no fluids exchanged. It is sex, it counts, and if you’re doing it with someone other than your boyfriend, it’s cheating. If you don’t want your boyfriend sleeping with other people, then you shouldn’t sleep with other people.
–There Must Be a Way
