I am a straight male in an exclusive relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years, and her need for sex has dwindled. Any attempt to discuss this leads to tears and blame, i.e., “I am not into sex because you…” or “Everything would be fine if only you would…” My most recent attempt at arousing her interest–taking her to her favorite chic eatery–came to an end when she passed out on the couch in front of the TV.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
To supplement the once-in-a-while sex, I masturbate. Lately, though, my girlfriend seems to have developed a problem with this. She is uncomfortable with me jerking off in bed next to her while she reads, which I can understand. However, if I go to the bathroom, she knocks on the door; if I get up to go to the spare bedroom, she follows me and says she wants to “talk.” The only time I get to myself is when she is at work and I’m at home. Lately she has taken to making fun of me when I stay home, saying things like “Can’t wait for me to go so you can jerk off, huh?” What the fuck? What am I supposed to do? I understand that people have different sex drives and all, but if she isn’t up for it I think that she should at least let me alone to take care of my own needs. Despite my commitment to our relationship, I am starting to have thoughts of breaking up with her. Before I take that step, how can I get her to understand that my jerking off is not a threat to our relationship?
Tell your girlfriend that if you wanted to live with a woman who won’t fuck you and doesn’t want you to masturbate in her house, you’d still be living with your mother. While you’re willing to make allowances for her lower sex drive, she needs to be willing to make allowances for your higher sex drive. Since you don’t get as much as you need from her, you’ll have to close the gap somehow: you can either jerk off or you can cheat on her–tell her to take her pick. Impress upon her that it’s not your jerking off that threatens the relationship but her attitude toward your jerking off. Finally, tell her in no uncertain terms that the next crack she makes about you jerking off ends this relationship.
Here’s a suggestion: Start seeing prostitutes again.
–Horny on Tap
