I tried to ask this question of Van, the porn star who sells his dirty underwear via his website, www.vanhotman.com. I wrote to him via his website and asked him to call me, but I never heard back. Perhaps you could have him contact me? You see, I’m a 40-year-old gay man living in Manhattan having a fling with an underwear “pig,” as he styles himself. He’s into spanking and stuffing my mouth with his dirty underwear. His skivvies look grungy and stained (piss and cum, he says), but there’s no fragrance and never any skid marks. I find this strange because skid marks are very hard for men to avoid no matter how careful a guy is. I hate to bring up the desire to sniff his skid marks because I don’t want to gross him out. How would Van suggest I tell my sex partner about this desire?
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“I sense a time waster here,” said Van when I shared your letter with him. Porn stars and escorts get a lot of calls and E-mails from time wasters, men who have no real interest in purchasing their time (or dirty undies) but get off on chatting them up. Some even beat off while they’ve got a porn star/escort on the phone, which is annoying to the porn stars/escorts, as there’s nothing in it for them. You struck Van as a time waster, SATT, and that’s why he didn’t call you back. “Anyway, why can’t this man just ask his friend about this?” said Van. “If he’s having sex with a ‘pig,’ a guy who’s spanking him and shoving dirty undies in his mouth, he should be able to ask a guy like that to take a dump before he comes over and not take a shower.”
Your readers should be careful about sending used garments through the mail. Yahoo auction sites once hosted a lot of “worn panties” auctions. These auctions did very well, but Yahoo got into trouble because cum-filled underwear, period panties, and feces-stained briefs can carry disease, sexual and otherwise. It’s also illegal to send dirty underwear through the mail; I have friends who were fined for mailing these materials. Granted, most people probably won’t get caught, but I wouldn’t want to get fined 5K for sending a biohazard through the mail. Explain that one to your mother!
I followed that porn star’s advice about mailing my dirty panties to my boyfriend. Unfortunately, he told me that my panties arrived smelling not much different than his Weekly Standard, which came in the same day’s mail. What gives?
Thanks for sharing, Nurse Ingrid. I stand corrected: Pap smears and STD screenings, ladies, at least once a year. Go get ’em, girls.
