It feels like a million years ago that Republican U.S. senator Rick Santorum told a reporter he hoped the United States Supreme Court would uphold antigay sodomy laws and went on to compare consensual gay sex to incest, bigamy, adultery, and man-on-dog sex. There was a mini uproar, of course, with gay groups calling for Santorum’s head and antigay groups defending him. For his part, George W. Bush called Santorum “an inclusive man”–and for once Bush was right. Santorum is inclusive: Straight people don’t have a right to privacy either, according to the equal-opportunity killjoy. He doesn’t even think straight people have a right to use contraception.
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I thought it was a super idea and asked my readers to nominate sex acts for the honor. Suggestions poured in–more than 3,000!–and I read through all of them. I rejected some ideas for being too broad (oral sex), others for being too rare (man rimming dog), still more for being completely fictional (donkey punching, dirty sanchez). I also eliminated nominated sex acts that already have perfectly good names (fisting, felching, rimming, scat). What follows are the real contenders. The final decision rests in your hands, Savage Love readers.
After reading your invitation for suggestions on what sex act could be named a “Santorum,” I was discussing it with friends. I made the point that the obvious answer is “doggy style,” only it’s not terribly creative and it’s already got its own name. Some further discussion resulted in the following idea: three people; the first penetrates the second from behind; the second performs oral sex on the third; the third and first make out above the second. Picture the three people making an uppercase “A.” The beauty of this suggestion is that it is an inherently bisexual or gay act, as there has to be at least some same-sex action in there, regardless of the gender makeup of the trio. And it would almost certainly cause the good senator to blush. –Creative in NC
It’s a word that can be used by everyone–straights, fags, dykes, and inventive loners. And it’s a relatively common occurrence that has no decent name. (I did once come across the word “assgasm” in some bad porn, but that’s a word that can only be used in bad porn.) Finally, it’s the kind of thing a homophobic, snooping probe would just loathe being associated with. –The Anal Linguist
I think adding “Jayson Blair” to the sexual lexicon is an excellent idea, UBIPS, and your suggested definition is so good we don’t even have to vote on it. Blair, of course, is the New York Times reporter who famously lied and plagiarized his way out of a career. From here on out fibbing during cybersex shall be known as pulling a Jayson Blair, or “blairing.”
