Thank you so much for advising that whacked-out, sexually ignorant mother to buy her daughter a dildo! As a former sex worker (I was a stripper at the fabulous Lusty Lady in San Francisco as well as a pro domme in a lovely Bay Area house of domination), I understand intimately the ability of parents to turn normal sexual curiosity into something shameful and embarrassing. I myself had a similar incident when I was a teenager. My mother found my stash of porno magazines and the oversized teddy bear that I used to ride to orgasm. She made me burn the pornos and took my beloved teddy away. Needless to say, her tactic did not work. I was a highly curious girl and too experienced in the art of self-love to turn back. All that my mother’s reaction ensured was that I would never, under any circumstances, go to her for sexual guidance, support, or information.
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Criticisms, rants, and death threats account for roughly 30 percent of the E-mail I receive, and I tend to run an awful lot of angry, hostile letters in my column. And why not? Letters from people who disagree with my advice are more interesting and offer readers a different POV on whatever subject we’re gabbing about.
I do occasionally get nice letters from people who want to let me know how much they like the column. Most of the people who send in positive letters express amazement that so much of my mail is negative. “Doesn’t anyone ever pay you a compliment?” they ask. Well, yes, lots of people–but unlike certain insecure advice columnists I could name, I don’t feel a burning need to clutter up my column with their letters.
Dildo use is not only safer than experimenting with broomstick handles, it can also be much safer for a 14-year-old girl than skipping masturbation and going straight to sex–which a lot of youngsters do because they’re discouraged from masturbating! If TOY’s daughter hadn’t found her dildos, she might have come home to find her daughter pregnant and/or STD-infected. Last, right on about the lockable doors advice! –Just Another Reader
When my mother discovered that I had been reading her copy of The Joy of Sex when I was 8, the first thing she wanted to know was if I had any questions for her. When my father caught me masturbating when I was 11, he told me that it was an OK thing to do, but in the privacy of my room. I’m grateful to my parents for handling these situations the way they did; I believe I’m a sexually well-adjusted adult as a result.
Dan Savage’s new book, Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America (Dutton), goes on sale October 10. (More info at skippingtowardsgomorrah.com.)
