I’m in a crisis. I am dating a man who is kind, considerate, and mature, and sexy to boot. The only problem is that he’s had a vasectomy, and I want kids–I want kids real bad. He says he would consider reversing his little nip and tuck, but it’s not as if he’s made any doctor’s appointments. Do I follow my head or my heart?
So he told you he would “consider” reversing his little nip and tuck? Maybe meeting you changed his mind? Consider these two points:
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First, straight men will say and do anything for pussy. They’ll lie, they’ll cheat, they’ll steal, they’ll make false promises, and they’ll put it on Visa. And some of them aren’t above toying with a woman’s feelings or exploiting her maternal longings. So beware the man who tells you what you want to hear about the long term (“Oh yeah, baby, kids, lots of kids”) so that you’ll tell him what he wants to hear about the short term.
I was coming home from work on New Year’s Eve when I ran into the girl who lives across the hall from me. While we don’t know each other very well, we have seen each other around and have had some casual conversations. She told me she’d just been dumped by her boyfriend, so I invited her to the New Year’s party I was going to. At the party we drank a lot and smoked some pot. We were pretty fucked-up. When we got back to our building I invited her in. She accepted. After talking on the couch for a while, we started making out. Before you know it, we’re in my bed, both of us with our shirts off. I was getting the go-ahead signal, but there was one problem: I was too fucked-up to have sex. I stopped what we were doing. She ended up staying the night.
So what do you do now? Slide a note under her door: “I really enjoyed spending time with you on New Year’s Eve. I’d love to take you out again before you move west.” Playfully acknowledge your performance problems: “Maybe this time we could do something that involves a little less alcohol?” And, finally, include this closing thought: “Knock on my door anytime.”
Excuse me, MMS, but fuck your zero-expectations nonsense. Allowing someone to get you off obligates you to get them off in return. At the very least, the person who has had an orgasm should offer to get the other person off. (And it has to be a cheerful, good-faith offer, not an I’ll-get-you-off-if-you-insist offer.) If the person who hasn’t come yet isn’t hung up on coming (or just wants to cuddle or whatever), then they can demur. We should all go into sex with open minds and a giving attitude, I agree, but accepting an orgasm without offering one in return is flat-out rude.
