I am a 21-year-old girl who is very much in love with a 24-year-old boy. When we first met, he was very sexual and easy to please. We had a lot of fun back in the day. But now, almost two years later, he is seriously lacking lust. I have to beg him for sex. I am a very young, attractive girl. I love to try new things! I love to suck cock and I have very big, perky breasts. You’d think he’d be all up on that! I feel so ugly and unloved because he is constantly turning me away. He says I am a nympho and tells me he’d rather jerk off. I was on tour with a band for a while and met a roadie who is absolutely in love with me, and he’s asking me to hook up with him. It’s really tempting because he is very good-looking. I don’t know what to do. I love my man too much to cheat, but a girl has needs! Is there any way I can spark his old flame? I’ve tried everything! –Nympho on Shaolin Isle
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You love your man? Whatever for? He neglects you, calls you names, would rather jerk off than “get all up on” your perky breasts (and tells you so!), and hasn’t been much fun since “back in the day.” Dump the jackass already, you idiot. While you’re off writing letters to advice columnists wondering what you can do to spark his old flame (there’s nothing you can do), the man you “love” clearly wants out of this relationship and doesn’t have the courage or decency to put you out of your misery. Like a lot of wants-out-but-gots-no-balls types, your boyfriend has decided to make himself so unpleasant that you’ll have no choice but to dump him. So dump him already. Sexually speaking, you’ve got a lot going for you–perky breasts, a passion for sucking cock, a willingness to try new things–and you need to get away from this grumpy wanker and find yourself a guy who both appreciates your perky breasts and puts your cocksucking skills to productive use. So, yeah, hook up with the roadie you met out on tour. And hey, if he’s really all that good-looking, tell the roadie he has me to thank for all the head you’ll be giving him. As a token of his thanks, the roadie should pose for a series of nude digital photos–photos that you’ll E-mail to me at mail@savagelove.net, OK?
I think you’re cheap and horrible, SLUT, and I think your opinions about tighty whities are dangerous and inaccurate. On the right guy, tighty whities are infinitely sexier than boxers–but only on the right guy. Men between the ages of 18 and 30 who are boyish and slim and hairless (or willing to become hairless) look fucking hot in tighty whities, and I don’t want a single one to stop wearing TWs because some SLUT made fun of his underpants in Savage Love. Fellas, if you meet all of the above requirements, please keep wearing tighty whities, and for the love of God keep taking pictures of yourselves in them and posting them on-line. Better yet, E-mail them directly to me at mail@savagelove.net. Thank you. As for you, SLUT, if your boyfriend isn’t boyish and slim and hairless, then I agree that he doesn’t belong in tighty whities. But instead of attacking his taste in underpants, why don’t you buy him a selection of boxer shorts? Don’t say, “You look ridiculous in tighty whities, so I bought you some boxers.” Instead say, “I think men look fucking hot in boxers, so I bought you some. Please wear them, honey, because they turn me on like fuckin’ crazy.” To seal the deal, you might want to add, “If you put them on right now, I’ll suck six layers of skin right off your dick.” Good luck.
