This is a fairly embarrassing situation for myself and my husband, and I hope you will consider helping. Not too long ago, we came home from a night at the theater and found my 14-year-old daughter “experimenting” with one of my dildos. Needless to say, we were both mortified. My husband quickly exited the room and left me to deal with it. My daughter claims she found it while innocently looking through my closet (something she is not allowed to do). She says she was “curious” and “just playing.” I have since thrown the dildo away, as well as my other one and the vibrator. I have decided that these sorts of materials are inappropriate for a household with teenagers. My daughter was grounded for a week, and now we don’t speak of the incident. My husband has never mentioned it once.
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Sorry, mom, but however mortified you were by the sight of your daughter impaling herself on your dildo, you must speak of this incident again. You need to sit your daughter down, look her straight in the eye, and say the following: “Please accept my apology. I’ve been such a dumb bitch about all of this, and I hope you’ll forgive me.” Then hand your daughter a nicely wrapped package. Inside the package? A dildo of her very own. Then you need to say this: “Like all girls your age, you’re curious about sex, and your hormones are raging. You’re old enough to masturbate, and masturbation is healthy and natural. Your desire to experiment with penetration is likewise healthy and natural. You’re no longer grounded, and as we speak your father is putting a lock on your bedroom door so that you can masturbate in total privacy. Now get out of my sight, you little scamp.”
So lighten up, mom. Dildos in the house didn’t put the idea in your daughter’s head. Fourteen-year-old girls know what intercourse is, and they’re curious about it, and they experiment with it, dildos or no dildos. Look on the bright side: if your daughter hadn’t found your dildo you might have come home to find her bleeding internally. Actually, you may yet come home to that: with your idiotic dildo fatwa in effect, your daughter is likely to explore her curiosity with whatever is handy. If you want to avoid a trip to the emergency room (or feeling queasy every time you cut up a cucumber for a salad), you need to buy your daughter her own dildo.
I was a virgin when we got married. Now I’m almost 30, and my sexual preferences have turned away from the vanilla sex my husband prefers. Namely, I’ve discovered that what really gets me going is bondage and domination type stuff. I’ve talked to my husband about this and asked him if we can try it, and while he claims to find it interesting, he always says “Maybe next time.” I even bought some basic bondage things (blindfold, straps) at a sex shop, thinking that’d provide some momentum. No luck–it’s still “maybe next time.” Recently I met a guy who is definitely into the same things I am, but I can’t cheat on my husband. I mean, I could, but I won’t. How can I reconcile my new interest with the fact that my husband is completely not interested? I realize it’s not as interesting a problem as sister-loving rednecks or chicks who want to pluck their boyfriends’ pubes, but any suggestions? –Wife Interested in Bondage
