My boyfriend of three years cheated on me with a girl in Canada. Then he came home and had a phone and e-mail relationship with her, and then he went to visit her in Canada again. When I found out what was going on I offered him an open relationship and he refused. He promised to never speak to this Canadian woman again, and I forgave him for cheating. But I need your help in understanding his behavior. Most of all, I need your opinion as to whether a man like this will continue to cheat on me. And if he wants to be with other women, why not just accept the open relationship? –Forgave but Cannot Forget
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Second, to answer your questions: yes, your boyfriend will continue to cheat on you, FBCF, and he’s going to think he’ll get away with it next time. Because now, thanks to your failure to see your boyfriend for what he is (lying scum!), your boyfriend thinks you’re an idiot (and he may be right). He will attempt to take advantage of your manifest idiocy in the future, I assure you. And why would your boyfriend turn down your offer of an open relationship? The likeliest reason is this: he wants to fuck other people, FBCF, but he doesn’t want you to fuck other people. Christ, what an asshole. DTMFA, FBCF, DTMFA.
I am a 37-year-old soccer mom and an avid reader of your column, which I love–excepting all the santorum stuff, which got a little tedious.
No, what you and the husband need–and this is going to make me sound like Ye Olde Tyme Advice Professional–are better communication skills. You and the husband need to have a long talk. (You should leave the sexy grocery boy out of it–for now.) Memorize these opening remarks: “Look honey, I love you. But I’m bored. Sexually. We’ve got to broaden our sexual horizons or I’m going to lose my freakin’ mind.”
A brief note: your column is read worldwide. To readers who do not live in the United States (I live in Canada), your continued references to a politician named Santorum are lost on us, and the references to the “frothy mixture” only serve to disgust. I appreciate that you dislike this arrogant public figure, but please spare us the repetitious descriptions of shit foam.
You may have heard of what happens if you type “French military victories” into a Google search engine. (The first hit is a page that says, “No standard Web pages containing all your search terms were found.”) You might want to post a challenge to all the computer geeks out there to do something similar, Dan, so the first entry a Google search of santorum brings up is your definition, not Senator Santorum’s official Web site. Surely that would promote the cause, don’t you think? –Santorum on My Mind
