How do you get rid of a sexual fetish? I’ve got an incest fetish, and while I don’t plan on acting on it, it’s still very annoying. I was raped by a sibling as a child. Repeatedly. And while at first I was upset by this, I eventually began to enjoy the sex. So I hate myself. Is this common? I’m seeing a therapist, but due to my guilt and shame I’m unable to ask her these questions. –Sick in Boston
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And you can indulge, SIB. I suspect the same hang-up that prevents you from being totally honest with your therapist (more on that in a moment) is preventing you from being totally honest with me. I suspect you’re only telling me you don’t plan on acting on it because you’re afraid I’ll think you’re a scumbag if you tell me how you really feel. And I suspect you really feel something like this: “Fantasizing about incest turns me on like crazy, and I wish there was an ethical way for me to act on these fantasies.”
Only could be, mind you. Pseudoincest isn’t something you should even contemplate until you open your fool mouth and tell your therapist what’s going on in your head. Is it common for people who were raped by family members as children to struggle with feelings of guilt, self-hatred, and shame? Yes, yes, and yes, SIB. It’s so common it’s a cliche. If your therapist has been practicing for longer than three weeks–and here’s hoping that’s the case–she’ll be able to help you. But not until you stop trying to impress her with just how gosh-darned healthy and together you are. Good luck, kiddo.
Otherwise, SIN, if you can still have orgasms without Mr. Distraction Stud’s pubic hairs resting on your tongue, and if you’re not turning down dates with other good-looking guys with pubes of their own, then I wouldn’t describe your obsession as necessarily unhealthy. You go right on enjoying yourself, you hear? While you may be grossing people out this week, SIN, you’re not hurting anyone–not even Mr. Distraction Stud. It’s not as if he’s going to miss his pubes, after all. In fact, his pubes, once they’ve been abandoned on the urinal, are no longer his personal property–they’re subject to the very same laws that allow the police to go through your trash once you put it on the curb. If he ever finds out what you’ve been up to, he may be able to argue that you’re creating a hostile work environment, and he may get your pervert ass fired. But so long as you’re as discreet as you are hygienic, I don’t see a problem. I also don’t want to see any more mail from you.
