I’m a 19-year-old girl dating a 21-year-old guy. We’ve been dating for a year and a half, love each other dearly, have a great time together. In bed the other night, my sweet boyfriend let me put a vibrator in his ass. He wanted to do it to me, so I told him (invoking some advice I remember you giving) that he could do it to me after I did it to him. Everything was fine until a few minutes before he came, when he started (unconsciously?) muttering something about a “big black man” fucking him in the ass.
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Sorry, FOF, but your boyfriend’s outburst isn’t just a fantasy, nor can it be chalked up to run-of-the-mill penis envy. While a lot of straight guys with penis envy worry that their girlfriends would rather be with men with bigger cocks, rare indeed is the straight male penis-envy sufferer who expresses a burning desire to have a big black cock shoved up his skinny white ass.
So is your boyfriend gay? Not necessarily. Your nice, white, Jewish boyfriend isn’t 100 percent straight either, that we can say for sure, but whether he’s straight enough for you is something you’ll have to determine for yourself. Clearly some chunk of his sexual fantasies–and, sooner or later, his sexual reality–involves big black men. And why would an otherwise straight guy have fantasies about big black guys? Since his fantasies are so clearly rooted in cultural and sexual stereotypes about black men, perhaps those stereotypes tweak, in an erotic way, your boyfriend’s feelings of sexual inadequacy. But you’ll have to check with him about it.
I trust your wisdom, and I will allow your decision to become mine.
