Thank you for printing a column on cunnilingus. Your straight female readers appreciate it! And while I understand your distaste at having to read so many E-mails about the practice, I feel compelled to respond. After printing lots of contradictory advice from women about cunnilingus, you told straight men simply to ask the women they’re sleeping with what they like. But, Dan, not all of us can actually tell a guy what we like. It’s the age-old dilemma of difference. While a gay man knows exactly how he likes his cock sucked and can give accurate pointers, a straight woman, never having been confronted with a face full of stinky, slimy, hairy pussy, might not be able to give good directions.
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And ladies, I wasn’t kidding about the stinky, slimy, hairy pussy. If it doesn’t sound appetizing to you, what makes you think it will be to him? Keep things well-trimmed and squeaky clean and you’ll never have to push his head down there.
Oh, how the angry E-mail floods in when I hint that pussy–any pussy, even just one particular pussy–could be less than appealing. All pussy is beautiful, my pissed-off readers insist, each and every one. Linda Tripp’s pussy? Beautiful! Cokie Robert’s pussy? Intoxicating! Bea Arthur’s pussy? Two thumbs up! So before my quick-to-anger readers boot up their computers, I’d like to point out that it was JTTBHIC (a woman!) who coined the highly offensive phrase “stinky, slimy, hairy pussy” to describe beautiful, beautiful, beautiful pussy. I had nothing to do with it. (Besides, of course, publishing it.) Angry readers are invited to send angry E-mail directly to JTTBHIC by writing to stinkyslimyhairypussy@hotmail.com, an account I opened on her behalf.
–Can’t Think of a Snappy Pseudonym
Some women terrible at it? Really? How would you know? Judging from your E-mail–which is all I have to go on–I’d say you don’t get much sex, Mike. All caps, bad grammar, misspellings, run-on sentences, no punctuation marks save exclamation points: If the impression you make in person is anything like the impression you make via E-mail, well, you should be grateful if you ever get another lousy blow job in your long life, Mike. BUTT THNX FIR CHERING.
–Gregg in Savannah
Send questions to Savage Love, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611 or to letters@savagelove.net.
